We’ve made it to the end of Ramadan, and what a month it’s been. I have been tested time and time again, went through withdrawal of music and TV, was faced with the hopeless thought of not being able to complete my goals, and alhamdulillah surprised myself at the things I have been able to accomplish.
I ended Ramadan almost the exact same way I started it, with a test of patience. The story is literally almost exactly the same as my post on Day 1. I had too many things go wrong, too many plans change or get cancelled, was put on a time-crunch to get to my class on time, and had moments where I just wanted to break down. After one too many small arguments with various family members, and my own inner turmoil with pre-holiday drama and planning, it took all of me to not lash out at someone.
It was one of those days where you feel the anger and frustration affect you physically. Your body tenses up, your hands shake, your empty stomach feels vulnerable as ever, and you constantly have to stop your eyes from filling with frustrated, overwhelmed tears.
I was going to be driving to my Sunday class, and I knew that if I just put on one of my CDs in the car, the music would distract me from my problems and I would be able to calm down. I wanted so badly to just drown my feelings away by listening to my favorite group.
But it was the last day of Ramadan. It was my last chance to make something out of this month. It was the final hours of really pushing myself to be able to cope and live without music. All month, and particularly in the last ten days, the idea of turning to Allah (God) rather than worldly comforts has been thrown at me over and over again. This was my test, my last chance to really take those words to heart and implement them in my life.
I was skeptical. I knew how bad I was feeling, and I so badly wanted the feeling to go away. From experience, I knew that music would make it better, and I was skeptical about using other alternatives. But I had to put my faith in God. I had to fully give myself to Him and trust in Him enough to help me. So I got in the car, turned on a CD of Qur’an, and spent the 30 minute car ride listening to the 30th juz.
And it worked.
Not even ten minutes into the car ride, and all of the physical manifestations of my anger had vanished. I could relax. I could breathe. I could talk to my sister without having to control the tone of my voice or the harsh words I was afraid of saying. By the time I got to the class, I was completely calm. I was happy in fact.
The funny thing is that I hadn’t even planned on going to class this week. I was going to stay home, clean my room, and get ready for Eid. That was another example of where I had to really push myself and keep my priorities in check. In what was potentially the last blessed moments of Ramadan, I decided to abandon the menial chores and spend those moments in a gathering of Muslims reading and talking about the Qur’an.
It may not seem like a big deal, but in these two instances, I really changed the way I normally act. Sacrificing things that only benefit me in this life for experiences that would improve my soul and my afterlife – that’s huge for me. In these last few days, I have been praying and praying and praying for God to allow to me leave Ramadan a changed and better person, and literally until today, I hadn’t seen the change. But He really does answer our prayers.
Another alhamdulillah moment of my prayers being answered: I finished reading the Qur’an today. My first time ever completing the Qur’an in one month. I promise, I’m not doing this to brag or make myself seem better than I am, but I want everyone reading this to remember one thing: Once you set a goal, for the sake of pleasing God, no matter how impossible the goal might seem along the way, with sincerity and faith in God, you will be able to complete your goal. The entire Qur’an seemed so daunting at the beginning of the month. Heck, eight pages seemed daunting every single time I opened the Qur’an to read, but I did it. Alhamdulillah.
No, I didn’t finish Muhammad, but just because Ramadan is over doesn’t mean I’m done with reading. InshaAllah, I’ll keep reading it until I am finished, and I do plan on blogging about it once I’m done.
That’s it for the month! Thank you to everyone who kept up with my blog this month. I don’t do this for the comments. I write to inspire. I write to convey a message. However reading comments and hearing people tell me that they read my blog every night gives me an indescribable joy. Hearing that people older than me are interested in what I have to say is unbelievable. So thank you, to those of you who read, commented, or talked to me in person. Thank you for hearing me out, for giving me a chance, and for giving me this medium to express myself and motivate myself. I said this last year and the same is true for this year: if it weren’t for this blog, I know for a fact I wouldn’t have been as active as I was during Ramadan. Knowing that I would have to have something prepared for all of you by the end of the day always pushes me to do more and reflect more.
I also want to give a special thank you to those of you who came from my K-pop blog. Thank you for opening yourself to something new. Islam is my life, literally, and it means so much that you went out of your way to learn more about it.
Jazakallahu Khayr. May God grant you with goodness.
I can’t forget:
*IFTAR PICTURE OF THE DAY*
Eid Mubarak everyone! Happy Eid!