Ramadan Log DAY 13: A Moment of Weakness

I have to be honest with you guys. I caved.

I broke my video fast today. I didn’t plan on it. I didn’t even watch the videos I had been saving for after Ramadan. I was just clicking from one suggested link to the next.

I wish I hadn’t. I wish I didn’t give in to the weakness or laziness or whatever it was that compelled me to break one of my goals, because now it just makes me miss the videos even more. It is so difficult to give up something you love so much.

I’m not perfect. I’m not even close, and I don’t want to appear to be perfect. Usually when I write my posts at the end of the day, I try to give everything a positive or hopeful tone, even when I’m complaining, because I, like most human beings, do not want to appear weak or sinful or immoral.

However, I didn’t make this blog to show off. I made it for myself, as a way to promise myself, with all of you as my witnesses, that I am going to do something meaningful with the blessed time I have been given this month. Sometimes I write to inspire, because that is my dream to be able to write words that inspire people, but this particular set of posts is for me. And I wouldn’t be being honest with myself if I didn’t say that I didn’t feel positive or hopeful today.

I think part of the reason why I just let myself indulge is because I was trying to distract myself. Everything going on in Gaza right now has really gotten to me. I am happy that more people, not just the Muslims, are becoming aware of the appalling injustice and atrocities that are going on in Palestine and Israel, but at the same time, I don’t know how many more images of bloody children on the street or videos of authority figures beating innocent people I can take. It’s great that everyone is getting involved and spreading these stories around, but it is also really turning me off from social media at the moment.

That in and of itself it the most heartbreaking part. The kids in those pictures can’t just turn their computers off and have their problems go away. I beg all of my readers to please pray, deep within your heart, for the violence to end. Just take a moment right now, to pray to God to end the suffering of the victims in Palestine and Israel. From my personal point of view, this crisis is going to need some kind of divine intervention for it to stop.

Today’s quote of the day comes from the Hijra section of Martin Lings’s Muhammad. Muhammad (S) has done all that he can to spread the word of Islam to the people of Mecca, and after the Quraysh devise a plan to have Muhammad killed, Muhammad secretly flees with Abu Bakr. On their migration to Medina, Abu Bakr offers a camel for Muhammad to ride, but Muhammad insists on paying for the camel, saying “I will not ride a camel that is not mine own.” Lings provides an explanation for this, and I’m not totally sure if it is just his own speculation or part of what he gathered in his research, but the explanation is interesting:

“Nor did Abu Bakr insist further on making it a gift, although the Prophet had accepted many gifts from him in the past, for this occasion was a solemn one. It was the Prophet’s Hijrah, his cutting off of all ties of home and homeland for the sake of God. His offering, the act of emigration, must be entirely his, not shared by another in any respect. The mount on which the act was accomplished must therefore be his own, since it was part of his offering”

(Lings 119-120).

Muhammad gave up his entire life for the sake of spreading God’s message: his home, his wealth, and his people. By leaving Mecca and migrating to Medina, Muhammad (S) was completing an act of service to God, so even the camel on which he rode he wanted to be of his own sacrifice. Again, I’m not sure if this was ordered by God or if it is just Lings’s own rationalization, but I like it. It’s very noble in my opinion.


Leftover Chicken and Kabab from last night

Leftover Chicken and Kabab from last night


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