F is for Fears
I never expected myself to be this type of person, but I’m turning into someone who has a lot of fears. When I was little, I never got scared from movies or scary stories. The only thing I remember really being afraid of is dogs, and by extent other animals. However the things that would always scare my friends never affected me.
Nowadays, when I start listing it off in my head, I have more fears than I would like. However, they aren’t stereotypical fears. People might think nothing scares me because the things that usually scare people still don’t have an effect on me. Scary movies and stories still don’t faze me. I don’t particularly like horror movies, but that’s more because I find them so silly and uninteresting. I get more grossed out than anything if there is a lot of blood. I could care less about snakes and alligators as long as we are separated by a barrier. I’m not even afraid of public speaking. I hate it, but it can’t actually hurt me so I wouldn’t quite label the feeling as fear.
It’s the things in real life, things that can physically hurt me, that I am afraid of. Heights. Bodies of water. Tornadoes. Creepy people at night.
My biggest fear (besides going to Hell) is not death. Once you’re dead, you’re dead. The concept of being afraid is gone.
My fear is that something will happen to me and I won’t die. I’ll fall off a mountain and become paralyzed. A tornado will hit my house and and destroy everything, leaving me in misery rather than putting me out of my misery.
I guess it all comes down to being tested. I’m afraid that God will test me with some injury or calamity. Something that I can’t handle. We’re taught in Islam that God never gives you a test that you cannot handle, but I am still afraid. I’m afraid of being forced to handle it.