So…not gonna lie. I had a pretty crummy day.
Remember what I said a few days ago about not liking when my plans get messed up? Well, that was happening big time today. The internship search isn’t going in the direction that I want and deadlines are coming up that are making me very nervous. I am also trying to get a group of friends to go to an iftar event with me, but the coordination is complicated. There is a concert that I have been really wanting to go to, but (a) no one will go with me, and (b) tickets are crazy expensive, and I keep needing to convince myself that a concert is not where I should be spending that money.
I should be proud that I applied to three different positions today, but the responses I have gotten have either been nonexistent or unsatisfactory. And that is really weighing me down. I guess in the back of my mind I expected this all to go much more smoothly than is realistically possible.
In the midst of all of this mental turmoil, this thought, which I don’t know if I ever had before, came into my head: I just wish I wasn’t fasting. This would be so much easier if I wasn’t fasting. I would have a clear head. I wouldn’t be distracted by my grumbling tummy or dry lips or dehydrated headache. I wouldn’t feel weak all over. I would be filled. I would have strength. I could go make myself something warm to drink to make me feel better.
I already learned last year then I have less control over my emotions when I’m hungry. I feel more vulnerable. Once I get in that mode of self-victimization, it is so hard to get out when all the while I can feel how empty my stomach is.
Now today is over, and like I said before, tomorrow is a new day. But then I remember that it’s another day of fasting, another day of internship-searching, another day that has gone by that I haven’t completed everything on my to-do list.
Maybe I’m just fatigued. I couldn’t sleep last night, so it could be the tiredness that is making me stuck in this tunnel-vision.
*Quote of the Day*
This is one positive that I am very happy about: I found a great quote. It isn’t from Companions; instead, I am quoting the one book that never fails to give me the perfect quotes: The Qur’an. You know, the first year I started blogging about Ramadan, I was reading through the English Qur’an and it took barely any effort to find a perfect quote each day. Last year and this year, I have moved on to history books, but nothing really beats the beauty of the Qur’an. My quote today, that my mom actually shared with me last night, is probably one of my favorite quotes ever.
“Verily, it is in the remembrance of God that hearts find tranquility.” (Surah 13, ayah 28)
I think is my new motto in life.