Ramadan Log Day 4: When the Emotions Catch Up

I made it! I made it through my first week of working and fasting! Tomorrow is my day off, which I am extremely excited for, which means the work week is finally over.

And I think it’s safe to say that I don’t like working while Ramadaning. The week was tough, and all of that fatigue and stress culminated in what became my very annoyed moon today. I was annoyed at having to work despite wanting to spend my fasting day at home, annoyed at my sister for what was ultimately a stupid reason – we’re good now – and annoyed at the fact that I was not loving Ramadan as I felt I should. When it got to that point, I tried channeling the anger in two directions.

First, I started purging. I’ve been spending the past few weeks very slowly organizing my room, and the moment I felt myself get in that mode of being irritated at everything, I jumped at the opportunity and was able to throw away quite a few things that I had previously been avoiding. Tip for people trying to clear clutter in their living space: take advantage of those angry and irritated moments. When you’re in that mode of not caring, it’s much easier to part with the semi-sentimental but ultimately space-wasting things.

After a few minutes of that, I realized it was getting close to iftar time and decided to get some Qur’an out of the way. If I didn’t mention before, one of my goals for the month, as it has been for the past three years, is to complete recitation of the entire Qur’an within the month. I’ve calculated this out to reading seven or eight pages of my Qur’an after each prayer (except Maghrib) every day. I’ve witnessed in the past the effect reading Qur’an has on calming my mood, so I decided to take this time to get my Asr pages in, and alhamdulillah it worked. I am hoping to find some kind of system or strategy to avoid an end-of-the-week meltdown before my next working week starts. InshaAllah.

On to my quote. I read about Allah’s name, al-Aziz, translated by this author as The Victorious One. The section talked a lot about Allah’s power and force, which often is tied to punishment. When I had started this book, I knew there would be the nice names, like The Guide or The Kind, but I was also prepared for reading about the scarier names, Al-Aziz being one of them. To my surprise though – although this is Allah, the Most Merciful, we’re talking about; it should’t be a surprise – even this name has a calming, almost nurturing aspect to it. The author writes “The one who is strong, but does not exercise his strength, who is not vengeful, reflects the beautiful name of al-Aziz.”

Strong but does not exercise strength. I like that. If only more people here on Earth could strive for this quality.

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