Ramadan Log Day 3: The Need for Structure

I learned today that the between-work nap isn’t just nice, it’s necessary. I decided to forgo the nap to try to get a little organized with my work papers, and boy did I pay for it. I was exhausted for the whole rest of the day.

It got to the point where I didn’t know what to do besides lay on the floor ten minutes before iftar and close my eyes, waiting for the moment for me to break my fast. We all have those days. For some it’s the first day; for me it was the third. No worries. Now I know. Never skip the nap.

These past few days have been reminiscent of my last semester of college. The only way I have been able to describe what that was like to other people is that I was constantly on auto-pilot. Between work and school and homework, all I knew was where I had to be within the next six hours and what assignments I needed to have completed by then. No stopping to smell the roses. No pausing to assess if my studying techniques were actually working. No time to relish the fact that I was about to complete my bachelors degree. Just go to school, go to work, and make sure I was sleeping and eating and praying.

That’s how I feel now. Go to work. Read Qur’an. Pray. Sleep. Eat iftar and finally relax – and then blog about it all. As I was reading my 99 names book today, I stopped to wonder why I was working so diligently. Why was I setting all of these “assignments” for myself like going through the pages of this book or forcing myself to read 7 pages of Qur’an after every prayer or coming up with things to write in a blog post at the end of the day? No one else does that. If I really wanted to, I could just forget it all, fast from dawn until sunset, and continue with my normal life. Have goals, but don’t become so anal about completing them.

But then I remembered my life leading up to Ramadan. Where all I knew was what was required of me and what gave me pleasure. Sure, I could just continue that and spend my whole fasting day watching YouTube videos, and maybe sneak a page or two of Qur’an in here and there. However if I did that, I wouldn’t really be getting anything out of Ramadan. I would be completing what was required, but I wouldn’t be improving myself at all.

I need assignments and goals to keep me from wasting the whole month. I need to blog every night to give myself some sort of accountability that I am working to complete those goals and not simply pushing them off for a perpetual “tomorrow.”

So, I continued reading and came across the explanation for “Al-Rahman.” While it is most often translated to “Most Gracious” or “Most Merciful,” this author described Rahman as being an ever expansive form of mercy. He ties it in with compassion, saying “Real compassion is in force when one is able to alleviate the pain and distress which the pitied one is suffering,” and that Allah acts in this compassion to all beings, regardless of their religion or moral standing.

I witnessed this exact form of compassion and mercy this week. I was so nervous about working while fasting, partially because my job requires a lot of walking around to different parts of a building. Not only is my job not that bad for all that worry, but the facility I work at made a change this very week in a restructuring of their daily schedule that actually makes my job a whole lot easier. Because of this change, I don’t have to run around as much when I’m doing my work. While my body has been tired due to fatigue and lack of food, the actual work I am doing is easier than it has been for the past six months. It was the mercy of Al-Rahman that the change ended up happening during my first week of fasting. Alhamdulillah.

I was a psych major. I love the healing and feeling talk that is written in this book.

Ramadan Log Day 2: Striving to be a Servant

Thank God for Tuesdays. Tuesdays and Thursdays are my easy days. I only work a couple of hours, and I don’t start until the afternoon. That means I had all morning to sleep in until my heart’s content. ❤

I realized today that it was around this time last year that I was applying for this very job. Last Ramadan, I had spent the month searching and applying to various places for an internship for the coming fall. I remember writing to you all how frustrated I was and how worried I was that no one would hire me. Low and behold, nearly a year later I not only got the internship I was so stressed out about getting, but I am now a formal employee at the same place. Alhamdulillah, things really do work out.

I discovered something today. On my way home on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I happen to pass right by a masjid. Since reading Qur’an is proving to be difficult on Mondays and Wednesdays, I figured I would try making up for it on Tuesdays and Thursdays by stopping by the masjid on my way home from work and spend time reading Qur’an there. I tried it today, and worked out really well.

To my surprise, I had pretty much the entire prayer area to myself. I prayed Dhuhr, and then had the peace and quiet only solitude can provide to read my Qur’an. It was so beautiful and serene. There really is nothing comparable to sitting in the masjid itself and reading Qur’an. The peace that falls upon you is just indescribable.

I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that one of my goals was to choose an English book to read, and I think I found one! My mom lent me her copy of The Most Beautiful Names by Sheikh Tosun Bayrak al-Jerrahi al-Halveti. It is a compilation of God’s 99 names, as mentioned in the Qur’an. Along with each name is about a page of meaning and commentary. Mentors of mine have often encouraged reciting and contemplating Allah’s 99 names, but I admittedly have done little to incorporate them into my life. Right now, I would only be able to translate maybe four off the top of my head. I am hoping that this book can give me some understanding and appreciation for the importance of the 99 names.

It looks like I will have to read three to four names a day to finish by the end of the month, so each day I will pick one of those to share on this blog. Today, I want to talk about the first: Allah. It isn’t one of the 99 descriptors of God, but it was what the book opened with and it had a very beautiful description. The writer talks about the perfection of this name, and then goes on to mention the value of the name “Abd-Allah” or “Abdullah.” As a kid, I remember being told that Abdullah was the best possible name a person can have, and I could never understand why. It translates to “Servant of God.” Why would someone want to be called a servant or slave? Wouldn’t that be the lowest place a person could be?

A lecture given by Ustadh Ubaydullah Evans changed that perception for me. He agreed that “servant” and “slave” have very negative connotations in our rhetoric, but that is because it is most commonly referred to a human serving another human. In the case of “Abd-Allah,” the human is serving God. That form of servitude is an honor rather than a burden. To make this point even clearer, he gave us this example: Take an intern. Interns are the ones who classically do the boring work and make coffee runs. Not something most are proud of. Now imagine being an intern in the White House. Those with that job would be proud to brag to others that they intern for the president himself. Now if we think of God, the Creator and most powerful being in existence, working for Him would be the honor to knock out all honors. That is the meaning behind the name Abd-Allah. It is a title that Muslims strive for and should be proud of having.

Blogging from A to Z Day 18: The Rules

R is for Rules

Today’s topic comes from an interesting encounter I had with a friend a few months ago. This friend doesn’t practice any particular religion, but we are pretty close, so she is familiar with Islam. I was telling her about some concept I had recently learned that didn’t quite make sense to me. It had to do with making up prayers, and the way I had originally thought the process works ended up being wrong and the correct way was what didn’t make sense to me.

Her response to this was really intriguing to me.

“Why don’t you just do what you originally thought was right if that is what makes sense to you?”

I understand where her solution came from, but it just shows how vastly different our two world views are. I wasn’t quite sure how to respond at first because the thought never once crossed my mind to “just believe something else.”

What I ended up saying: I can’t just change the rules like that. I didn’t make the rules; God did, so I play by his rules.

In believing something, you come into belief with the assumption that what you believe is fact. I believe the words in the Qur’an, and I believe that the things that the Qur’an say will happen will in fact happen no matter what everyone else “believes.” People can believe whatever they want, but that doesn’t change what the truth is.

By my Islamic paradigm, I have to follow the rules set by God in the Qur’an if I want to get to Heaven. There is no changing the rules because I don’t like them. I didn’t create the world. I don’t know the true nature of humans. If I believe that God is the supreme being with knowledge of all things, it would be silly of me to live by any other rules than the timeless rules he set for all of mankind.

It never even occurred to me before that conversation with my friend that this outlook is not universal. The concept of belief is such an interesting thing.

Blogging from A to Z Day 10: Jannah

J is for Jannah

Jannah. The Arabic name for Heaven. The place I hope to eventually be, inshaAllah.

Often times, it is the hope of Jannah that gets me through the day. Jannah is given many descriptions, of all kinds of contexts, in the Qur’an and Hadith. Here is the concept that I have gathered in my head: In any situation, more than the absolute best thing you can imagine, Jannah is better.

For every sacrifice I make in this life, I pray to be able to get back in Jannah. Every time I choose what is right over what is easy. Every time I give up some object of desire. Every time I hold my tongue. Every time I grit my teeth and do something I don’t want to do. I pray that in the end, my efforts get me into Jannah, because once I am there, I know that the sacrifices will be worth it.

While it is faith in God’s wisdom, care, and protection that helps me with the big questions, it is Jannah that helps me with the little things, particularly in middle school and high school. I gave up on buying clothes that were fashionable but not modest for the closets and closets of clothes in Heaven. I forfeited dating for being in paradise with any boy I wanted. I abstained from eating Rice Krispie Treats and Gummy Worms for the unlimited desserts in Jannah.

That is my advice for anyone who is struggling to give up something for the sake of God. Imagine the pleasure you get from the thing you are giving up. Now imagine it infinitely better. That is the pleasure that awaits for you in Jannah if you continue to make sacrifices for God.

Ramadan Log DAY 24/25: Qiyam Ul-Layl

Last night was the night I have been looking forward to for the entire month.  It was my youth group’s annual Qiyam Ul-Layl.  Every Ramadan my group of Muslim sisters spends one entire night performing acts of prayer, worship, and remembrance of God.  Every year it is a truly enlightening experience.  We all break our fast together in the evening, pray our fard prayers along with all 20 rakats of Taraweeh, Salat Ul-Tasbeeh, Salat Ul-Tahajjud, and Salat Ul-Ishraq, as well as listen to lectures and have discussions all about our faith and God.  For the entire night, we forget the meaningless conversations of this world and focus on strengthening our own individual connections to God, with the help of each other and our mentors.

Performing a Qiyam is something that can’t be put into words.  “We pray all night.”  It’s so much more than that though.  We willingly sacrifice our sleep and our social media time to dedicate ourselves to worship for around 10 hours.  By the end of the night, there is a sense of accomplishment that can only be understood by someone who also takes part in a Qiyam.

In addition to all of the prayers and discussions, during our down time, my friends and I spent some time reading the 30th juz of the Qur’an. Those are the surahs we all had memorized at one point, but have since forgotten a good portion of it, so we spent the time re-familiarizing ourselves with the Arabic and reading the English.  It was really cool to read the meaning of these surahs we’ve been reciting in our prayers for years.  Since I’ll be reading those again in a couple days, I’ll wait until then to talk about my favorite surahs.

Believe it or not, my legs felt a little stiff today from all of the standing and bowing we did yesterday.  I’ve never felt that before from praying, and it is an incredible feeling.  It may sound weird, but I actually feel pretty proud that I stood and bowed so much for God that my legs actually felt it the next day.  It must have been the Salat Ul-Tasbeeh.  That is one intense prayer.  It’s always my favorite, and I am forever grateful to my mentors of this youth group for teaching it to me.  If you haven’t every prayed Salat Ul-Tasbeeh before, I suggest trying it.  It is a prayer that takes around half an hour to do, but the sense of accomplishment afterwards is crazy.

So, since I was doing that all night last night, I guess I owe you two ayahs of the day today.  The first is from Surah 68, Surah Al-Qalam (“The Pen”).  Ayahs 1-6 say “By the pen and by the (Record) which men write – You (Oh Prophet!) are not, by the grace of your Lord, mad, insane, or possessed.  No (in reality), and surely, for you is a reward unfailing: And verily, you (are placed) on an exalted standard of character.  Soon will you see, and they will see, which of you is affected with madness.”  According to my Qur’an, the people of Mecca would refuse the Prophet’s (S) message and say he is insane.  Here is yet another example in the Qur’an of God giving his messenger words of encouragement.  In the stories I have learned about the first time the Prophet heard Qur’an from Angle Jibrael (Gabriel), he was terrified.  After going through that ordeal, and then embracing his duty as the messenger of God, and then being ridiculed by his own people for trying to fulfill that duty, he probably could have used some words of encouragement.  God is understanding.  He knew that he gave Muhammad (S) a difficult task, so He encouraged him.  Time and time again when I learn about the Prophet’s (S) life, I see a very human person in him.  When I hear about how he was the most perfect person, how he endured so much physical pain and stood in prayer longer than I could even imagine, it sometimes seems like the Prophet (S) wasn’t even human, so I love reading bits in the Qur’an like this one where it acknowledges that he is a human being who faced difficulty and sometimes needed God to pick him back up.  It also shows how God knows exactly what is going on.  He didn’t just reveal the Qur’an and then leave the Prophet (S) to figure out how to deal with his people himself.  God was there every step of the way, coaching him and reassuring him.

My second ayah is actually one that one of the speakers talked about at the Qiyam last night.  It is the first six ayahs of Surah Al-Muzzammil (Surah 73, “The One Folded in Garments”): “Oh you (Prophet) folded up in garments! Stand up (in prayer) by night, except a little (less) – Half of (the night), or less than that by a little, or a little more; and recite the Qur’an in slow, stately (and rhythmic) tones.  Verily, soon We shall send down upon you a weighty message.  Truly, the rising by night is most powerful for governing (the soul) and most suitable for (understanding) the World (of Prayer and Praise).”  How perfect that I read that today.  From what the speaker last night said, the prayer that is being talked about in this ayah is Tahajjud, which is the prayer we focused on last night in our discussions.  That last sentence about the night being the best time for “governing the soul” is so true.  When it is the middle of the night, our true feelings come out.  It is when all barriers are broken down and we see exactly who we are, what we are going through, and what we truly want.  I felt that last night, and hope to be able to do more nighttime prayers so that I can feel that and be able to really make a true du’a and govern my soul.

*IFTAR PICTURE OF THE DAY*

Cake, Strawberries, and Peach-Pineapple Juice

Barbeque Chicken and Biryani from an Indian Restaurant

(We had a party at our house today that I completely slept through because of last night.  Oops…)

Ramadan Log DAY 23: A Day of Firsts

I can’t stress enough how much I love cooking when I’m fasting.  I always love cooking, but cooking while hungry just makes me even more excited for the food.  My aunt and I spent a good part of the day buying food for iftar and cooking dinner.  It was really fun because we made a dish that neither of us had made before and alhamdulillah it turned out pretty delicious!  I love going to my aunt’s house during Ramadan.  She has a nice big family, so iftars and dinners over there are always a good time.

It is actually thanks to her and my cousins that I started reading Qur’an every day.  Last Ramadan I wasn’t really reading any Qur’an, but partway through the month I learned that my two cousins, who are both younger than me, were having a little competition to see who could read the most Qur’an during the month.  After hearing that, I wanted to see how much I could read, so for the last week of Ramadan I read as much Qur’an as I could, and when I wasn’t able to finish the whole thing by the end of the month, I decided to just keep up the habit and read it every night after praying Isha.  Now, alhamdulillah, I’ve taken that habit up a notch to reading Qur’an after every prayer (except for Maghrib) during Ramadan.  I hope that, like my cousins motivated me, I can motivate someone else by sharing my journey of finishing the Qur’an with all of you.

Every day the surahs get shorter and shorter and I just get more excited as I feel myself getting closer to the end.  The first time I finished the Qur’an, it was mostly due to the fact that I had reading assignments in school, but this time I am reading it completely by my own will, so it feels like more of an accomplishment even though I’ve done it before.  I reached the 26th juz in the Arabic today and read through surah 59 in the English. My ayahs of the day are from that surah, Surah Al-Hashr.  This is another one of those surahs where I found multiple translations for the name.  “The Gathering (of Forces)”, “About the Gathering (Banishment)” and “Banishment” are given by my three different Qur’ans.  The first and last seem completely different, so if anyone knows an accurate translation of “Hashr”, please leave me a comment.  I am quoting ayahs 22-24, which list a bunch of names with which God describes himself in the Qur’an.

“He is God: there is no god other than Him. The All Knowing, of the hidden and the open, He, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.  He is God: there is no god other than Him.  The Sovereign Ruler, the Holy One, the Source of Perfection (and Peace), the Guardian of Faith, the Preserver of Safety, the Exalted in Might, the Compeller, the Supreme and Majestic.  Glory be to God! (High is He) above the partners they give to Him.  He is God, the Creator, the Evolver, the Grantor of Forms.  To Him belongs the most beautiful names.  Whatever is in the heavens and on earth declares His praises and glory, and He is the Exalted in Might, the All Wise.”

There really isn’t anything I can say about that except SubhanAllah.  Glory be to God. I’ve never seen so many names given right after one another in the Qur’an.  It’s such a powerful way to end a surah in which so much stress is given on being mindful of God.

*IFTAR PICTURE OF THE DAY*

Potato Pakora, Dragon Fruit, and Turkish Soda

Rotisserie Chicken made by my aunt, Biryani, and Ratatouille made by me and my aunt! It turned out delicious, alhamdulillah (which is surprising considering the main ingredients are eggplant and zucchini, both of which I normally don’t like).

Turkish Soda, Dragon Fruit and Ratatouille…what a day of firsts!

Ramadan Log DAY 20: The Famous Jugular Vein Ayah

We’re officially into the last ten days of Ramadan! It feels like day 15 was just yesterday…

So not exactly the best day ever today, but hey, sometimes there are good days and sometimes there are not so good days.  We just have to take it one day at a time.  I spent basically the whole day in my room, cleaning, on the computer, and reading.  I have rediscovered my love for Harry Potter this summer and have been passing the time very quickly rereading the series.  I just love the story and get so into it every time I read it.  I’ve also discovered a new youtuber! Her name is Amenakin.  She is a Muslim living in the UK and makes videos about Hijab and other “Muslim” topics.  I was watching a bunch of her videos today.  They are both entertaining and informative.  I just love the way she presents her ideas.  Very easy to relate to, mashaAllah.

I was very surprised at myself today when I read my Qur’an after Asr. My pre-iftar routine this month has been praying Asr, reading 4 pages of Arabic Qur’an, and reading 150 ayahs of the English Qur’an, which all takes about half an hour giving me around 15 minutes to prepare iftar.  Today, I started the whole thing as usual, but found myself finished with almost half an hour to spare until iftar.  It usually doesn’t go by that quickly, and the only explanation could be that I’m actually getting faster and more fluent at reading Arabic! I was reading Surah As-Saffat, which has really short ayahs, so that could have been why it went by so quickly, but it was a nice surah to read.  There weren’t very many unfamiliar words in the surah, and each ayah came off the tongue very comfortably.  It’s really interesting how that works.  I can often tell when reading the Arabic which surahs talk more about law even if I don’t understand it because the surah contains a lot more Arabic words that I’m not familiar with.  I remember Surah Nisaa’ was like that.

Today’s ayah of the day comes from Surah 50, Surah Qaf.  It is one I have heard many times before, but it brings me so much comfort that I have to share it.  Ayah 16 says “And indeed, We have created man, and we know what (evil) temptation his innermost self may bring to him: And We are nearer to him than (his) jugular vein.”  God is closer to us than our own veins.  He knows us better than we know ourselves.  He knows not only what we do, but our desires and temptations.  I find this fact more comforting than intimidating.  Whenever I have a problem, it is so easy to turn to God because I know that he knows me inside and out.  He knows everything I keep hidden from the rest of the world, the thoughts that go through my head and the things I struggle with.  Who better to ask for help than the one who knows us best?  I’ve talked to friends who say it’s so weird for them to “talk” to God and make dua about their problems, but if you think of God as someone who knows you better than your parents or your best friend, it becomes so easy to just talk, let out your problems, and ask for help.  Since God knows us so well, he can give us the best help, most appropriate for ourselves and our own unique situations.

*IFTAR PICTURE OF THE DAY*

Biryani and Chicken 65 from an Indian restaurant