I can’t believe we’re already on Day 13. It feels like Ramadan just started. I went back to my posts from previous years and realized that for the past two years, Day 13 has always been a hard day. It’s the middle of the month, where all of the diligence to stick to my goals starts to tire me out, but it’s not quite halfway through so I get overwhelmed thinking about still have the majority of the month left.
Alhamdulillah, today was a good Day 13. 🙂
I still feel weird about my “Bad Mood” post yesterday. Usually by the time I have my iftar and sit to write, all of the issues of the day are long forgotten or resolved. However, as I was writing my post yesterday, I was still in a bad mood. I didn’t like that I was being so negative. I feel like in what I choose to share with the world, all of the issues should be resolved and I have to have some kind of profound lesson to share with you all that I learned from the experience. I am so used to trying to be so positive online that it was actually really hard for me to express my negative feelings yesterday and just let it stay negative. Even hours after posting it I felt like I disappointed everyone by not being my normal positive self.
But then today one of my aunts said that she liked the post. She was amused that even I got mad sometimes. I guess in person too, most of the people I know, except the family members living in my own house, don’t really see the angry, sad, depressed, or unmotivated side of me. In most cases, I just don’t feel comfortable talking about issues I’m having that aren’t already resolved, so they never see it.
Why am I even sharing this tidbit of information, you may ask? Because with all of my Ramadan posts, I try to be as honest and upfront about everything as possible with you all. My tagline on this blog is “The inner thoughts of an American Muslim.” I’m here to give you the real deal; Not only the best parts about my life as an American Muslim, but also the moments when I need to rant.
But as I am learning, maybe it’s just my personalty to stay away from ranting. I’ve had enough online-safety talks to know that putting your raw rants online for anyone in the world to see more often than not leads to consequences.
I still don’t really know what to think of all of this. On the one hand, the good in sharing negative feelings is to show exactly what my aunt said: even I get upset. But then on the other hand, the part that made me so uneasy about sharing that is the question of what people got from my post. Was I helping anyone by admitting that I was in a bad mood? Did it inspire anyone? Or did it just add to the negativity of the internet?
Maybe I’m just overthinking it. I finally had my Starbucks tonight, so I am both in a good mood and on a caffeine high. 🙂 I am very curious though about what you readers think about all of this.
*Quote of the Day*
Today was Week 2 of the Tuesday Iftar Series. Instead of a quote from my book, I want to share something that I heard at tonight’s lecture. It is actually something that last week’s speaker addressed as well. Both weeks, the speakers talked about fasting, and why this deed in particular is so important in the eyes of God. Fasting is the one pillar of Islam that is solely between the believer and God. On the outside, no one can actually tell that you’re fasting. You can go behind closed doors, eat a couple of cookies, and go back out without anyone knowing anything.
The point that both speakers made about one of the purposes, or outcomes, of fasting is that the act of abstaining from food, drink, and intercourse during daylight hours reinforces the concept of obedience to God. It isn’t that any of those things are haraam or bad for us as is. The point is that we are submitting to God’s order of when we can have those things. Eating is a perfectly fine thing to do, but because God says that during these particular days we can only eat during these particular hours, we only eat during those particular hours. Yes, it’s about self-discipline, but at the same time, fasting is about acknowledging that our entire lives are about submitting to God.
So it’s not one quote, but it’s an idea I have been hearing multiple times this month that I really like.